The Broken Leg Chronicles - Part 1
Over a week ago, we got the call that no parent wants to get: the skiing school’s number popped up on my husband’s phone. Our son had been involved in a skiing accident and had to be taken to the emergency station.
One snow mobile and one ambulance ride later, the verdict: spiral fracture of the tibia. After the doctors finally decided against surgery, our son’s leg was put into a cast that reaches from his toes to the top of his leg. The only instructions we got was to not put any weight on the broken leg, have it checked in a week, and how to adjust the height of the crutches.
A week later, things are looking very different, but it’s been pure chaos since the accident. So I thought I’d write down some of my personal experience throughout all of this - the challenges, the good parts, what has helped me somehow stay sane…
The challenges:
For the past week, I’ve felt propelled back to the newborn phase. The one where it feels like you can’t really rest or close your eyes because the moment you fall asleep, your child will call for you and it’ll feel worse being woken than simply not going to sleep.
To say that it’s been challenging on my body, my mind, my nervous system is an understatement. I’ve spent most of the past 4 years avoiding burnout, trying not to feel completely depleted, regaining my energy and strength and trusting myself that what I do is enough. In an instant, it felt like all the efforts I had done were blown away.
I’ve been feeling lost, alone and overwhelmed. I have been exhausted because my sleep hasn’t been great and my kid that sleeps through the night 99% of the time now wakes in the middle of the night with an itching leg that no one can really do anything against.
I know it’s “only” a broken leg and that with kids, it usually heals well and fast. I know that I’m only getting a glimpse of what parents of children with disabilities go through. I can’t even start to understand the frustration they must be feeling on a regular basis.
Everything outside of medical care has been a huge fight - one that required me and my husband to make extra efforts to fight for ourselves, our son, our family.
The skiing school didn’t support us in this situation and was reluctant in sharing the information of the other child involved in the crash, even though our insurance requires the information as a standard procedure. They showed little understanding for our situation, other than sending a text hoping that our child feels better soon.
For the first 4 days, our son just lay in bed, with my husband carrying him around whenever needed. My sister-in-law, who is a physiotherapist, then offered to come by and show him how to move on his own in our home sitting on the floor and using his arms. Without her, we wouldn’t have known that this was possible, as neither of us has any particular knowledge in this field and we didn’t want to risk damaging the broken leg.
Going back to school is looking like the biggest challenge of all. While the teacher is trying her best, her capacities are limited and she doesn’t have any experience with this kind of situation. It seems that there is no protocol in the school about what to do when a child is in a wheelchair - particularly as the school is only accessible by stairs and several classrooms are on different levels without any lift or other access. So my child’s timetable is looking like a Swiss cheese in the next couple of weeks, because he won’t be able to attend all the classes that are on different floors, as well as project week activities in different buildings with no wheelchair access. It’s been a very disappointing experience so for in a Western country that wants to be inclusive.
Little moments of joy:
One thing I’ve been holding onto is finding the little moments of joy. I don’t want to sit on the couch and wish for time to move on faster, until my son will be out of his cast. Life is happening right in front of me and there is joy in it, despite the chaos, the overwhelm, the frustration.
My son and I have been binge-watching this series on Netflix and even though it’s a kids comedy, I really enjoy it.
Lots of cuddles with both kids.
We have cleared our schedules as much as possible to be there for our son and it’s been nice to stay home for a while in a world where we are often rushing from one place to another.
Before we went on skiing holidays, I started watching Sullivan’s Crossing on Netflix. The setting in Nova Scotia by the water has given me a sense of calm. Whenever I have a moment, it feels comforting to get back to that setting and the characters.
Yoga breaks have been the kind of movement that has helped me stay even only a little sane this week. I’ve been finding myself gravitating back to it, embracing the gentler practises, allowing my mind to let go and feeling the strength of my body.
Opportunities for learning and growth:
We still live in a society where being a parent is sold as THE dream (particularly for women), but the reality is a completely different one. I am lucky that I have the possibility to drop everything to be there for my son and look after myself in these very chaotic and overwhelming couple of weeks in our lives. However, it’s increasingly frustrating that as parents, as soon as something is even a bit out of the ordinary (e.g. our kid doesn’t have two functioning legs for the next couple of weeks), it seems like there are no systems in place and we are just left to deal with it on our own in an already stressful situation.
While I would absolutely choose to have these two kids over and over again, I can understand anybody who doesn’t want to have children in the society we live in. It’s a constant balance between their needs, my mental health and actually living life - and while we’ve gotten the hang of it most of the time, it feels like whenever something out of the ordinary happens (which - let’s face it - can be very quick with children), the world stops and everything crumbles, because we don’t have enough supportive system in place for parents.